I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize