He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
