I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
