my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
