who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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