Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
