We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
