I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
