you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
