When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
