what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
