I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
