I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
