so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize