And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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