Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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