READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
