Don't make out with my wife yet
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
