well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
