my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize