3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
