Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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