I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
