the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
