ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
