Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
