you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
