Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
