Redeem this text for a blowjob
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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