Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
