The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
