3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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