I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
