a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
