I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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