So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
