I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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