Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
