Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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