This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
