vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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