This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
