I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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