apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We don't watch enough power rangers
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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