So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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