At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
