I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
