Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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