You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
