I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
