You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
