Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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