singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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