Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
