lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize