i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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