coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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