just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
