I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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