We're facebook friends in real life
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
