I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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