I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
