I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
