drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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