bring money and cleavage
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
