the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I need moral support for this bender
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
