If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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