I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
