I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
