Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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