We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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