You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
