I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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