So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
