Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
