i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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