I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm jealous of your bromance
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
