R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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