I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
