just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
