well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's a Shit stain on my heart
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I supernannyed him into submission
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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