Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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