cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
