I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you win again, gameday.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize