I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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