I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
