then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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