I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
