I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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