Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize