So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
