Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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