Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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