You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
