I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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