this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
