Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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