Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
