do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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