Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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